Bakit #2

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BAKIT TAYO NAG HIHINTAY SA WALA?

Bakit nga ba? Yung kahit alam natin na wala na, kahit alam natin na hindi na pwede, patuloy pa din tayo sa pag hihintay sa bagay na alam nating kahit kailan, hindi na mangyayari? Bakit patuloy tayo sa pag hihintay na dumating yung araw na alam nating kahit kailan, hindi na maibabalik?

Yung dating masaya kayo, puno ng tawanan, lambingan, at kasweetan. Yung dating hawak n’yo ang kamay ng isa’t isa. Yung dating yakap yakap ka n’ya. Yung dating kayo.

Bakit kahit alam natin na hindi na pwedeng ibalik lahat ng ‘yun, patuloy pa rin tayo sa pag hihintay sa araw na pwede pang mangyari lahat ng ‘yun?

Baka dahil umaasa tayo na pwede ba, na pwede pang mag bago ang ikot ng mundo, ihip ng hangin, at takbo ng utak n’ya. Na baka isang araw, maisip n’ya na mahal ka pa n’ya, na ikaw ang tanging gusto n’ya, na ikaw lang ang gusto n’yang makasama.

Baka umaasa tayo sa 0.01% na baka pwede pang maibalik ang dati. Na kahit alam natin sa sarili natin na malabo na, pilit tayong humahanap ng rason para isipin na baka, baka lang naman, baka sakali lang naman, pwede pa.

Baka natatakot tayo na dumating yung araw na sumuko na tayo, at sa panahon na ‘yun, tsaka pa s’ya bumalik. Baka natatakot tayo na tuluyan silang mawala. Baka natatakot tayo na dumating ang araw na maawa ang Diyos ay pagbigyan tayo, at sa araw na yun, sumuko ka na.

Nag hihintay ka pa rin diba? Bakit? Kasi mahal mo s’ya.

Yun ang sagot, mahal mo s’ya. Kaya para sayo, kahit gaano katagal, kahit gaano ka imposible, kahit gaano kalabo, nag hihintay ka pa rin. Kasi baka, baka sakali lang naman, bumalik s’ya. Baka sakali lang naman, pwede pang maibalik ang dati. Baka sakali lang naman, mahal ka pa n’ya.

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Mask;

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• Once lived a strong girl, she never got hurt, never got sick, never cried. She’s always happy, she’s always smiling. It’s as if she had no problems in life. Everyone was jealous of her, everyone wanted to be her. They took her for granted, befriended her just to find out what her secret on being strong was, but they failed. She was good on knowing who her real friends are. They blackmailed her, but again, they failed. They tried and tried but they fail every single time. At last, they stopped trying, and the girl remained strong. At least that’s what they thought. The strong girl went home, and from there, she let out a deep sigh. She removed her favorite sweater and went in front of the mirror. ‘I’m not strong’ she said to herself as she browses her body full of bruise and scars. Her tears fell as she remove her mask. The mask that kept other people thinking that she was strong. The mask that hid every sadness and pain in her eyes. The mask that protected her. She wasn’t strong, she’s weak. She was afraid that people would use that against her so she used a mask. She’s not strong, she was weak enough to hide her real feelings. She’s not strong enough to not care about what other people say against her, she’s weak enough not to defend herself from them. She’s not strong enough not to cry, but she was weak enough to hide her feelings. She looked at the mask and cried herself to sleep.
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She wasn’t strong, but thanks to the mask, everyone thought so. •

Introduction

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I am not who you think I am.

Behind this smile is a sad little girl, trying to be found.

Behind this laughter is a depressed little girl, trying to be saved.

Behind this strong figure is a weak little girl, trying to fight.

I lie not because I want to, but because that’s what I want to happen. I’m hoping that one day, all those lies turn into reality.

The songs I sing didn’t just come out of my mouth, those are words I couldn’t tell anybody.

The moves I make while dancing didn’t just pop out of nowhere, it was the actions I couldn’t do.

The stories I wrote wasn’t just written because of my passion, it was the life I wanted to live.

The heart you thought was cold, it was all made up, because the real one is gone, he took it with him when he left.

This is the only place where I could be myself without anyone judging me.

This is the only place where I could sing, without anyone telling my how badly I sound.

This is the only place where I could dance, without anyone telling me I’m out of beat.

This is the only place where I could write, without having to worry about other people’s opinion.

This is my escape.

You think you know who I am, but you’re wrong. All you know is the lady I introduced you too, not the little girl seeking for help.